Redfield History
by Greg Moler
allthatcounts.com
(The Redfield Historical Society has not seen fit to supply me with the
Redfield history, so until they do, this will have to do.....)
Redfield was founded in 1743 by Ponce de la Soto. He had a warrant from the
Queen of England to "go forth unto the New World to discover new riches for the
Crown, bring Christianity to the native savages, bring back new riches for
the Crown, map unknown territories, return with new riches for the Crown,
claim land for England, and bring back to the Crown gold, spices, minerals,
..oh, anything."
Captain de la Soto proceeded to the New World aboard his ship, the Controlar
Alterno Borrar. He started up the Mississippi river and came to a Y in the river,
where the Arkansas river meets the Mississippi.
At this point, de la Soto and his crew had to take
a leak. So they went up the left branch of the Y and dropped anchor. After
relieving themselves, one of the crew began to pull up the anchor rope, not
realizing that the Captain had not finished. Unfortunately, the rope wrapped
itself around the Captain's personal peninsula, wherein he immediately informed
the crew of what happened: "Yeooooooowwwwwwweeee!!!!"
This, unknown to the crew, was interpreted by the natives on the shore
as an threat, and the natives began hurling insults at the crew in their native
tongue, bugaloo. The crew, startled by the awkward syntax of the natives,
immediately returned the insults (in English). This led to a combined state
of mistrust.
The captain decided it was time to go ashore and discuss matters with
the natives.
So de la Soto led an advanced party of 8 crew members to meet the
natives. As the crew advanced, they saw that the natives had seemed suspicious.
"The natives seem suspicious", remarked the first mate.
The captain did not reply, but privately wondered when the first
mate would be able to take a bath (it was that bad).
At the center of a clearing stood a tall, bronze man the crew immediately
took for the Chief of the savages.
The crew slowly approached the impressive figure.
The Chief said, "Uga dooly foo bar?"
De la Soto, taking this to mean "Who are you?", proudly waved a hand
toward his men and replied, "We are Euro-centric white males."
Unfortunately, this translated into bugaloo as "I lust after your wife."
Immediately, de la Soto sensed that his reply was not a good career
move, as hostile natives surrounded the crew.
"Hostile natives are surrounding us," noted the first mate.
The men seemed doomed, but Captain de la Soto again showed the resourcefulness
that had extricated him from many bad situations in the past. He peeed
in his pants. The macho natives considered this very unmanly and socially
unacceptable, so they pointed his crew back to their boat.
Happily, de la Soto and his crew got back to their boat and pulled
anchor. However, by mistake, they went left, and not back down to the
Mississippi. They crused up to a place called (in bugaloo) "tek" ,
which translates to "place where foreign boats carrying Euro-centric white males
make landfall and encounter hostile natives". (It has been since shortened
to "Tar Camp", after the tars (sailors)).
Captain de la Soto led his men to his cabin for a conference. Supplies
were running low, morale was in jeopardy, and the B.O. was unbearable.
The captain concluded that their only hope was to go ashore, commit
genocide upon the natives, and rape and pillage the land. It was the "least
we could do", he remarked.
And so again de la Soto led an advance party ashore. About 5 miles
inland, they came to a great field of weeds.
"Look at that great field of weeds," remarked the first mate.
Unfortunately, before they could enjoy the scenery, they were again
surrounded by hostile natives.
"We are again surrounded by hostile natives", remarked the first mate.
This time they appeared really doomed. They were surrounded by
about 300 rather ugly natives. Their only hope of survival was to
get back to the boat, pick up their weapons, and return to the field
of weeds to fight it out.
Out of the pack of natives came a tall bronze figure, evidently
the chief.
This Chief, like the last one, said, "Uga dooly foo bar?"
Recalling what happened last time, the captain replied "We are white
males who do not, repeat not lust after your wife."
This translated into bugaloo as "Do you have the time?"
This turned out to be a lucky break for the crew, for the natives
immediately left to look for their sun dial, leaving the crew able to
return to their boat and pick up the remainder of the crew and their
weapons.
What followed when they returned to the weed field was a
massive carnage. De la Soto's crew, armed with firearms, swords, and
terrible B.O., overwhelmed the hapless natives, who were armed only
with rocks.
Blood covered the field.
"Look at the blood!" said the captain. "It's a red field!"
"It's a red field," repeated the first mate.
"I just said that," remarked the captain.
So this is how the town of Redfield, Arkansas got it's name. De la
Soto could have used the bugaloo name for the town, which translates to
"Deadbeat Historical Society", but nixed it.
Even today, after midnight in Redfield, you can hear the voices of
the first mate and the captain....
"You can hear the voices of..." begins the first mate.
"Oh shut up!" the captain interrupts.